ive trapped myself again. claustrophobic, shallow breaths
arms bound tight, for wrong, not for right.
sweaty palms, a useless grip,
tuckered out from the shock and the sin.
heres my last will and testament,
this has to be the end.
neglected advice
cowardice, but righteous in my mind.
serenity, ive often found hard to find.
the pleasure, oh! the pressure!
the turning point my vision too poor to measure
crashed through the walls of common sense again, ive ruined everything
ive ruined whats within
im a stranger in the mirror
to change i dont know where to begin
the shakes begin to subside
writhe on the floor no more, no smore sweaty eyes
begin to see a light, throw it in reverse, take a right
deliverence from this world accursed
of greed and selfishness
a place where rationality is worthless
humanity will serve no purpose, anymore
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3 comments:
Wow...
Thats fuckin terrific. Most definitely needs to be put to music.
I don't think this needs to be put to music; there's already incredible music within this poem. Great control of rhyme and meter here.
Maybe it's just me and my style of writing--and sorry if you don't want a critique--but I'd really love to see this poem grounded with something physical and specific (you do include some physical things like breathing, sweaty palms and writhing, but I don't know who, where, why or when). You've got all these great thoughts but it's like they're floating around a big an ambiguous source. You're looking at them with a telescope when you could take a step back and see them as a whole. Like, even if you said, this is about a parade, or this is how I feel about a girl, or this is what poetry is to me, it would bring all of this together in a whole new way and give another layer to your onion. (Also, I don't mean to say that everything should be explained, I'd just like to see what all of this is driving at--but then again, maybe you like to leave more up to your reader than I do, so, please, take this with a grain of salt)
Sorry if I'm sounding like a dick, but I just want to share my thoughts. And don't think that I don't like it; you're writing is really fantastic.
Oh I totally agree its great on its own but to me this poem would serve as great lyrics for a song as well.
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